I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
