I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize