At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
