what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
