I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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