Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize