dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
