At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
