So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
