My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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