So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize