and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
