I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
