she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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