Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
