it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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