Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
