We need to rekindle our bromance
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
