I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
