I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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