there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
