No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
