I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
