Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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