the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
