your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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