Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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