OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
