I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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