then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
