drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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