So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
