WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
