Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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