i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My vagina is officially offended.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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