my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
