Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
