I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
