just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize