Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
