If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
