I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish I only lived at night.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
