Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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