dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
