i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
