Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
