I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
