I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
