she takes plan B like it's going out of style
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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