i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
