in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
