I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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