i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
