Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
