turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
