I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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