My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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