Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
