Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize