she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
