I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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