Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
