Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
