Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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