I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
