i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
