awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
