Cold hands, warm shart.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wish my penis had a tongue
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
