i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
