Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize