nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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