he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
