piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize