I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
