what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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