M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
