Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
