yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
