i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
