u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
