She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
