I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
