i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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