god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
