well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize