I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am one with the molecules
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
