After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
