"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
