can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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