NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
