Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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