what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
