I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
