I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
