I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
