sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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