I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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