u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
