What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
