??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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