I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
