so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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