capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
