im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize