That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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