Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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