This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
where am i from again
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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