What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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