Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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